Cheese Substance

How many times have I told you: "Use Velveeta, go to jail?"

(At least once. Here.)

And, really ... if you need a reason to avoid Velveeta (you don't - commons sense should dictate that), verbiage use such as this will do the trick: 

"No illnesses have been reported in connection to the underpreserved cheese substance." 

Reason enough. 

.......... Ruprecht ( STOP abusing cheese, don't use Velveeta )